Today's Forecast: Sunny and 70, Then Snow, Then Unseasonably Warm Again by Dinner

Faketown residents can expect a mild, sunny morning with a high near 70 degrees, according to this week's forecast from the Faketown Office of Weather and Preparedness, followed by a brief but intense period of heavy rain beginning at 7 a.m., a sudden drop to 10 degrees below zero with snow accumulation by noon, and a full return to warm, sunny conditions in time for an 11 p.m. sunset.

"It's going to be a great day," said municipal meteorologist Doug Pelletier, gesturing at a hand-drawn chart taped to his office wall. "Bring a coat. Also bring sunscreen. Also bring a coat for the sunscreen."

The regional office of the National Weather Service has declined to comment on Faketown's forecast for the fourteenth consecutive week, citing what a spokesperson described only as "a jurisdictional issue we don't fully understand ourselves."

Pelletier, who has held the position of municipal meteorologist for eleven years, said Tuesday's conditions are "well within the range of normal for this time of year," though he declined to specify which year.

The snow, expected to accumulate to a depth officials are calling "some," is not expected to interfere with the 70 degree heat wave scheduled to resume shortly afterward. Faketown Public Works confirmed it has pre-salted the roads, pre-watered the lawns, and applied a light coat of sunscreen to several fire hydrants "as a precaution."

Residents are advised to dress in layers, then remove the layers, then put the layers back on, then reconsider the whole approach entirely around lunchtime.

The extended forecast calls for more of the same, indefinitely.