Wigs Party Introduces Bill Requiring All Town Meetings Be Conducted in Rhyme

The Faketown Town Council deadlocked Thursday night over a bill introduced by the Wigs Party that would require all official town business, including budget votes, zoning hearings, and the reading of parking tickets, to be conducted entirely in rhyming couplets.

"It is simply how civic matters were once properly discussed," said Wigs Party floor leader Reginald Pemberton III, adjusting his wig, which is real and worn year round regardless of the proceedings' topic. "We are not inventing tradition. We are restoring it."

The Balds Party, Faketown's other registered political party, called the bill "a transparent attempt to make local government incomprehensible," though Balds spokesperson Kayleigh Dunn delivered that exact objection in halting, unintentional rhyme, a fact Pemberton's office highlighted in a press release within the hour.

Dunn later clarified she had not meant to rhyme and that it "could happen to anyone."

The bill's full text, obtained by this paper, includes a provision exempting fire alarms, medical emergencies, and "anything involving actual numbers," from the rhyme requirement, though the Wigs Party has not explained how a budget vote would avoid actual numbers.

A procedural vote on the bill ended in a 4 to 4 tie after one council member, independent Gary Fitch, abstained on the grounds that he "did not want to rhyme about it either way."

The council will reconvene next week, assuming anyone can agree on a time that doesn't accidentally rhyme with "adjourn."