Editorial: It Is Time We Admitted Faketown Has a Raccoon Problem

I did not set out to become the raccoon beat columnist for this paper, and yet here we are.

Last month, a parent petitioned the school board to allow a raccoon onto the debate team. This month, a separate, unrelated raccoon was spotted attending a town council meeting from the gallery, taking what witnesses describe as "detailed and legible" notes. I do not think these are the same raccoon. I think that is worse.

Somewhere along the way, Faketown quietly decided that civic participation by raccoons was simply a thing that happens now, and nobody called a meeting about it. There was no vote. There was no public comment period. There was just, gradually, more raccoons in more rooms where decisions get made.

I want to be clear that I have nothing against raccoons personally. Several are, by all accounts, better listeners than the current zoning board. But a town that cannot say out loud what its policy on raccoon participation actually is does not have a policy. It has a vibe.

So here is my modest proposal: form a committee. Study the issue. Take testimony, from humans and, apparently now, from raccoons. Decide something, anything, on purpose.

Or don't, and let the raccoons keep deciding it for us. They seem to be enjoying it.